


make me love you

by haetbit



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Sorta domestic?, but also a little heavy, mentions of other nct members - Freeform, really really sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 05:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17380355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haetbit/pseuds/haetbit
Summary: “You can make me love you forever, you know that?”Or: the story of how Jaehyun and Youngho met, fell in love, and found a home in each other.





	1. make me love you

**Author's Note:**

> a reminder that this is set in an AU!

##  _make me love you_

 

**_one_ **

  
Jaehyun wakes up to the sound of waves crashing and seagulls crying.

 

He rubs his eyes with one hand to try to ease the bleariness away, and pats blindly at his side with the other. The sheets at the other side of the bed no longer occupied still seem to have a trace of warmth on them, and he sits up slowly.

“Hyung?” he calls, voice resonating within the unlit room. It takes a minute for him to realise that the place he is in isn’t their bedroom, and the panic that rises in him settles down just as quickly when his mind finds familiarities in the decoration and design of the room.

 _Strange,_ he thinks, _isn’t this the vacation home Mom and Dad always rented when I was young?_

With the gears in his head finally functioning, he gets off the bed to head outside and ask Youngho how they ended up here. His memories remind him that this was where he used to spend weekends during the summers as a child, before their family moved to America for a short time. He had loved it here, the games he played with his parents along the beach, the cool relief the cold seawater brought to the unbearable summer heat, and the nights spent in front of the small bonfire his father started. He smiles as he opens the main door that led to the beach, thinking that it’s nice to be back..

He finds Youngho fiddling with his camera a distance away from the house, and runs over to him without hesitation. The sound of his footsteps must have alerted Youngho, because he’s turning around with a startled expression, still holding his camera up high.

“Woah, woah,” he says when Jaehyun crashes into his chest, arms wrapping around his back immediately. Jaehyun buries his face into the fabric of Youngho’s shirt, before looking up when he feels a hand resting on his head.

“You’re up early,” Youngho notes, an amused smile on his lips, and Jaehyun tip-toes slightly so that he can wrap his arms around his neck. “And you’re up even earlier,” he replies, getting a chuckle from Youngho, who then presses a few kisses on his cheeks.

“What are we doing here, hyung?” he asks, turning his head around to look at the view in front of them. The scenery is just as he has remembered; the dark blue water with a tinge of emerald, the seagulls flying around, and the sound of the waves as they crash on the shore. It brings a sense of tranquility through him, and he finds himself relaxing slowly in Youngho’s arms, nodding when he questions in return, “Don’t you like it here?”

His eyelids feel heavy, and he feels like sleep is coming for him once again, consciousness leaving him gradually even though his mind still registers Youngho saying something.

 

 

“Baby?”

 

Jaehyun hears and jolts awake in an instant, hand gripping onto the wrist of the hand that is stroking his neck out of reflex. Youngho is in front of him, looking a little concerned as he pulls Jaehyun’s hands off to hold it in his own, interlacing their fingers together.

“You alright?”

Jaehyun blinks a few times, mind slowly registering that he’s still in their bed, back in their bedroom of their apartment, and moans softly. “It’s a dream…” he mutters, and curls to his side facing Youngho, bringing their locked hands under his chin. It’s a cute gesture that makes Youngho laugh, and he leans down to kiss the corner of Jaehyun lips. Ignoring Jaehyun’s little complain about not brushing his teeth yet, he says, “Wake up, sleepyhead. It’s almost ten.”

The fact seems to have surprised Jaehyun, who widens his eyes before making a soft whining noise. “It was a good dream…” he rambles quietly, and Youngho makes an inquisitive hum.

“Really? What was it about?”

Jaehyun opens one eye to look at him, a little hesitant on saying it since he knows how Youngho might feel. When Youngho raises his brow, thumb stroking the back of his hand in a gentle way to coax his words out, Jaehyun sighs.

“We were at this vacation home near the beach my parents used to take me to when I was younger,” he recounts, only continuing when Youngho’s expression doesn’t change, “Nothing much happened, but I just thought it was nice to be back there again, even if it was just in my dreams…”

Youngho hums again, expression unreadable, and Jaehyun reaches up to caress the side of Youngho’s face with his free hand. “I don’t mean it in any other way…” he explains, worried about what he might be thinking.

“I know, baby,” Jaehyun sighs in relief quietly when Youngho finally answers him, turning his head to kiss his palm before pulling that hand down to hold in his own too. “I was just thinking if we should go on a short holiday... Maybe you can bring me to that place.”

He sits up at last, intrigued by the suggestion, but sulks once he remembered how he’s got an important project coming up at his office in less than a week. “Work…” he groans, and punches Youngho’s shoulders weakly when he makes a mocking pout face at him. _Darn freelancers..._

“I’m kidding,” Youngho apologises, leaning down again to kiss his collarbone that his worn-out pyjamas t-shirt can’t cover. Jaehyun’s breath hitches at the sensation, and his hand flies up to grab Youngho’s shoulder. “We can always go after that project you have is over, you’ll need time to get your vacation schedule cleared anyway. For now, though…”

Youngho’s hands wind underneath Jaehyun to pull him up from the bed with him when he sits upright. “You need to get ready or you’re going to get roasted by Doyoung again.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes at the mention of his boss, but lets Youngho pull him out of the warm covers to go wash up. He listens to the sounds of the coffee machine and toaster from the kitchen as he brushes his teeth, and laughs when he hears Youngho shrieking about something being hot — probably the toast. By the time he’s done preparing himself, Youngho’s already waiting for him at the doorway, his breakfast in hand.

“Ready?” he asks, and Jaehyun nods before walking up to kiss him on the lips as a sign of appreciation.

“Let’s go.”

 

During the car ride to his workplace, as Jaehyun habitually opens his left hand for Youngho to hold when they stop at the traffic junction, he thinks about how long it has been since they had such a slow morning together. Next to him, Youngho’s humming along to the song playing on the radio, and Jaehyun joins in when he recognises that it’s a Coldplay song. He ponders over whether he should buy Doyoung coffee later to thank him for letting him come to work late today (it was compensation for making him work overtime last weekend because something went wrong with the recent order from a big client), but decides against it once he got reminded about the project he’s just put him in charge of.

“Maybe it’s really time for me to change companies.”

Youngho laughs at what he’s just grumbled, and brings his hand to his lips for a quick peck before he lets it go to continue driving.

 

 

 

**_zero_ **

 

The story about how John Suh, or Youngho to his closer group of friends here, and Jung Jaehyun got together is a pretty long one.

 

For a start, they first met when they were both in high school. Only _met_ , because they never really knew each other back then. From what Jaehyun remembers, Youngho joined their high school as a third year student when he was in his second year. He had moved back to Korea from Chicago, and his Korean hadn't been the best. That was his first impression about Youngho when the teacher introduced him to the student council president, his senior, and himself, the vice-president. The responsibility of making sure that the new student fits into the new environment well thankfully fell on the president himself, as a fellow third year student, and Jaehyun only saw him in the cafeteria and along the corridors after that brief introduction.

The next time Jaehyun saw Youngho again was at the freshmen orientation party of their department. He had chosen to major in architecture, out of both pure interest and the encouragement of his parents, and according to the seniors at his table they weren’t a very big cohort — which meant that everyone knew everyone. That fact hadn’t really fazed Jaehyun; as the student council president back in high school he was quite popular and he could work with people, he knew that he was sociable and likable. He wouldn’t call himself a social butterfly, though: sometimes it’s just hard to enjoy the company of so many people. Just as he was ready to take his second glass of soju as punishment for the drinking game he’s just lost at their table, some commotion was spreading across the room, and he heard people shouting _Yo Johnny!, Youngho get over here!_ The names sounded oddly familiar to him, but it wasn’t until the man appeared in front of him that he was able to remember who he was. Turns out the American transfer student from his high school had graduated and went on to major in Business at their university.

“All of you freshmen take a good look at our handsome Youngho now, it’s going to be hard to see him around once you’re on campus! He’s incredibly busy and — _ah!_ ” The senior at Jaehyun’s table announced to the freshmen there, only to be disrupted by Youngho’s slap on his back.

“Just shut up and drink your soju, Hwan-ah.” Youngho threatened jokingly, a genuine smile on his face. He turned to look around the table then, and his eyes met with Jaehyun’s for a brief moment before Jaehyun looked down. He wasn’t even sure why he had done that, but Youngho was already announcing his departure before he had time to look back up at him again, saying that he just dropped by to pass something to some senior whose name he didn’t manage to catch.

“But what exactly does Youngho-sunbaenim have to do with us? You mentioned that he’s from Business, right?”

Another freshman sitting two seats away from Jaehyun asked the question that he had on his mind, and the seniors at their table sighed at their ignorance. At their instructions, the freshmen all looked up _johntography_ on their search engines. Gasps and exclamations echoed throughout the table then, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but follow suit too. He’s never paid much interest to photography, but he could tell that these photos were great.

“He’s our university’s most famous photographer right now,” another senior explained, “And he’s also helped us with a few of our exhibition projects too, so be nice to him.

That’s how Jaehyun learned that the American transfer student had not just improved his Korean immensely, but was also much more interesting than he had initially thought. Despite what the seniors have told them, though, he didn’t really pay much notice to Youngho after that brief meeting. They’ve bumped into each other a couple of times; in the cafeteria near the architecture building, at the main library of the university, and once even at the university’s subway station, but they have never talked to each other even when their eyes have clearly met. This continued for two months before they finally had a chance to sit down and talk — a chance created by Jaehyun’s friends who ditched him for lunch as they have collectively decided (without him) to skip the lecture in the afternoon. He hated eating alone in public, and was miserably trying to finish his bowl of udon as quickly as possible when someone slid into the seat across him.

“Hey.”

Jaehyun blinked when Youngho greeted him, tone natural and looking completely as if he had been there all along. He swallowed the noodles in his mouth hastily and bowed his head in greeting. 

“You’re Jung Jaehyun, right?” Youngho asked in clarification, and Jaehyun nodded. “I’m from your —”

“You’re the senior who transferred in during the last year of high school and still managed to graduate with an excellent score,” Jaehyun filled in for him, lips curving up to a small smile. “I remember you. The teachers talked about you all the time.”

Youngho _ah-_ ed softly, looking a little embarrassed as he fiddled with the piercing on his left ear. “I just thought I should say ‘hi’ since we see each other quite a bit and it seemed like you remembered me… Thank goodness I wasn’t wrong.”

Jaehyun laughed, and they continued talking for a while; about how Jaehyun’s friends ditched him, how Youngho comes by the architecture cafeteria to meet with his seniors sometimes and about how classes were. Having been exposed to so many different social circles throughout high school and the start of university, Jaehyun knew that Youngho was different from how he made it so comfortable to talk to him, despite him being a senior.

When they were preparing to leave after Jaehyun finished his meal, Youngho slid him his phone and asked for his number. 

“The next time your friends ditch you again, drop me a text. I might be around this area.”

Jaehyun remembers the smile Youngho had as he said that — gentle, but also with a little teasing glint — and the heat that rose up to his ears.

 

They remained as close acquaintances following that encounter, exchanging messages sometimes when they bump into each other again but have no time to stop and talk. Although Jaehyun has never asked him out for meals personally, the seniors who’ve taken a liking to him call him out for meals and drinks sometimes, and most of the time Youngho was invited too. They grew closer slowly that way, especially since they took the same train back home as the neighbourhoods that they lived in were near each other. Sometimes they talk the entire journey home, sharing interests or ranting about schoolwork even though it always seemed like a completely different world to either one of them. Other times, when they were both tired from school or just socialising in general, they just walk and sit quietly side by side, shoulders brushing against each other’s. On some days, Youngho talked about his photos, and Jaehyun remembers how his eyes light up when he showed him the photos he’s taken and explained how they came about.

“Why are you in Business then, hyung?” Jaehyun asked Youngho one night, on an almost empty last train back south where their homes were. The train was just crossing the Han River, the city lights on either side of the bridge contrasting greatly against the patch of darkness in the middle. Youngho was quiet for a while, eyes set on the view outside before he let out a somewhat defeated sigh and turned to give him a tired smile.

“I don’t know, Jaehyun-ah. I guess it’s my parents’ wishes.”

They looked at each other for some time, just until the trained pulled into the next station on the other side of the bridge. Jaehyun thought that something had changed within that short period; something had clicked between them, perhaps the recognition of a kindred spirit. Their conversation died out after that, but it’s also left an oddly comforting mood in its wake. When they had to split ways at the exit of the station, they lingered around for a while longer, chatting about trivial things to drag out the time to bid goodbye.

“... Should I walk you home?”

Youngho looked a little expectant after voicing his suggestion, and Jaehyun burst out in laughter at his expression. They both decided that it was not really necessary after they were done laughing, settling on meeting for breakfast on the next day instead. Before they left for their separate ways, Youngho gave him a quick hug, something not uncommon among their group of friends but still left Jaehyun with his face and ear flushed.

“Thank you for today, too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jaehyun could only stutter a ‘ _see you, hyung!’_ with his eyes on the ground before hurriedly turning to walk in the direction of his house, hoping that Youngho didn’t catch the redness on his face.

  

This relationship continued until Jaehyun had to enlist into the military — unlike Youngho who didn’t have to since he was a foreigner. With a message wishing him all the best from Youngho, their somewhat odd friendship came to an abrupt halt. By the time Jaehyun returned to complete his degree, Youngho had already graduated from the university. It had been hard for Jaehyun to come up with a reason to talk to him again when the last conversation they had was from two years ago, and so he chose not to, using Youngho’s newly created Instagram account as the only way to receive updates from him.

 

When they finally met again, it was a complete coincidence at the bar that Jaehyun frequented after he got a job in the architectural firm he’s still working at. It’s a jazz bar tucked away in the corner of the busiest district in town, a few blocks away from where his workplace was, and he had fallen in love with the atmosphere it had —the warm lighting, vintage furniture and of course, his favourite Chet Baker songs — ever since his colleague brought him there once.

That day had been the last Friday of the month; the day that Jaehyun has set to go have a drink and relax after a month of hard work. Jaehyun was late that day, having needed to stay back in the office a while longer to finish handling a last minute problem, and the small bar was already packed by the time he has arrived. There was just two seats left at the bar counter, next to the man whom the bartender (Taeyong, whom he’s seen often enough to become friends with) was talking to. As he got closer to the seat, the man looked and sounded increasingly familiar...

“Oh? Jaehyun-ah, you’re late today.”

… but it wasn’t until he turned around in his direction that Jaehyun finally recognised him.

“... Jung Jaehyun?”

“... Youngho-hyung.”

There was a pause as they both let the disbelief and delight from seeing each other again set in, and then Youngho was chuckling.

 

“At this point it wouldn’t be weird to say that we really are fated, would it?” 

 

 

And all else was history.

 

 

 

**_two_**

 

“I can still remember how you two looked at each other then! I felt like I was watching a drama —”

 

The empty soju bottle in front of Taeyong toppled over at the wave of his hand in his excitement to share the story of how he witnessed Youngho and Jaehyun’s reunion — for what may possibly be the hundredth time — and Youngho reached out to catch the bottle just in time before it rolls off the table. Next to Taeyong, Ten is busy trying to coax his boyfriend to drink some cold water as he complains about how he talks about that story too often. Jaehyun looks at the couple with an amused smile as Doyoung, his boss who is also somehow Youngho’s junior in university and a part of their group of friends, stands up to start clearing the mess on his dining table.

“Yah, Ten, get your boyfriend to the bathroom and wash his face. I think he’s had too much tonight.” Doyoung says, not without annoyance, as he moves quickly between the dining table and the kitchen to get the place clean. Sensing the end of this monthly dinner affair coming, Youngho and Jaehyun begin sorting out the different trash at the table to help their host out. As sounds of items falling resonates from the bathroom, Jaehyun shoots Youngho a look and they both laugh softly when they came to the same conclusion that it’s time for them to take their leave.

Youngho lets Doyoung know that they’ll be leaving first after they’ve managed to get the table clean again, with Jaehyun standing behind him and looking over his shoulder. Doyoung gives them an eye roll after a very Doyoung-esque dirty look, but still let them off the hook for tonight with a warning for Jaehyun not to be late at work tomorrow.

“Boss, you’d better not be late either!” shouts Jaehyun just before they close to the door to Doyoung’s apartment, and they are gone.

 

“Wanna go for a short walk before we head home?”

Youngho suggests when they are in the lift down, and Jaehyun agrees, feeling a little bloated from the meal just now. The early January air is extra chilly at night and Jaehyun finds himself huddling close to Youngho when they walk out of the apartment block. Youngho chuckles at how Jaehyun is acting, complaining jokingly about how he's much colder than Jaehyun is before pulling his hand into his own coat pocket to lace their fingers together. They don’t really have the habit of displaying affections in the public — mostly because Jaehyun still feels a little unsettled at the thought that someone might see them — but when it’s dark at night and there isn’t anyone else on the street other than the both of them, they let loose and do what any other ordinary couple would: link arms, hold hands, and maybe sneak a few kisses.

Until they weren't as alone as they thought they were.

“Oh my, isn’t this Jaehyunie?”

A familiar voice calling out Jaehyun’s name halts his step, and he turns around to find his aunt — his mother’s sister whom he meets often during family gatherings — looking at him in surprise. He pulls out his hand from Youngho’s almost by reflex and realises just as quickly what he’s just done, but his aunt is already coming up to them before he could look at Youngho.

“It’s been such a long time, Jaehyun-ah! Have you been well?”

He answers his aunt’s questions politely, casting short glances at Youngho whenever he could. Youngho is smiling at them from a comfortable distance away, but all Jaehyun really wanted to do was to have him by his side and let her know who he was and what he meant to him. Especially when his aunt throws him the question that he knew was bound to come:

“So have you gotten a girlfriend yet? Your mother is very concerned; you know that, don’t you?”

He does, actually. He knows that his mother is concerned that he hasn't brought anyone (a girl, to be exact) home in a while. He also knows that his relatives have been asking his parents when he was planning to start a family and settle down, because _God forbid_ that anyone nearing the age of thirty in this society should be single without plans to get married and have children.

The problem being, he isn't single.

Jaehyun turns to Youngho, eyes wavering as he struggles to answer this question. He almost sighs audibly in relief when he finally comes over to stand by his side, but flinches slightly when Youngho rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Jaehyunie is just a little picky, aunty. I’ll make sure to keep a lookout for any suitable candidates, so don’t worry.”

The words prick at Jaehyun’s heart and he feels sick suddenly, for lying to his aunt and for making Youngho say such things. With a shaky breath, he smiles as his aunt says something about how good-looking Youngho is and how lucky Jaehyun is to have a friend like him.

“Alright, aunty’s going to go pick Jihyun up from tuition. See you during New Year's, Jaehyun-ah!”

They bid goodbye to his aunt who has to pick up Jaehyun’s younger cousin, and for a long moment neither of them moved, eyes fixed in the direction where she left.

“... Let’s go home.” Youngho says at last, tone as gentle as the way he pulls Jaehyun closer to him by the arm. Jaehyun lets him guide them back to Doyoung’s apartment, following half a step behind as he broods over what he can (and should) say to salvage the situation.  _Is hyung mad? He probably is; I would be mad if our positions were switched. Should I first apologise? …_

“Did you hear that?”

Youngho’s voice pulls Jaehyun back from his thoughts, and he gives an inquisitive hum to get him to elaborate. They have already reached the lift lobby, and were waiting for the lift to send them down to the carpark.

“What your aunt said, about how lucky you are to have a friend like me.”

Youngho gives Jaehyun a small, smug grin. It’s definitely meant to be a joke to lighten the mood — typical things Youngho does as considerate and empathetic as he is. But Jaehyun knows better than to take it from the surface level; Youngho was definitely hurt by what just happened, but he’s doing this so that Jaehyun doesn’t get worried. He smiles a little defeatedly when he sees Youngho looking concerned at how he didn’t respond, and wonders just when the both of them have started to understand each other so well.

“... I didn’t know that hyung was my friend, though.” Jaehyun plays along, acting clueless as he slides his hand into Youngho’s just as they walk into the lift together.

“The only Suh Youngho I know is someone who is extremely handsome, cool and sweet, who also happens to be my boyfriend.” he continues, maintaining his clueless expression next to Youngho who’s grinning ear to ear, “... is that hyung?”

Youngho pretends to ponder for a second, the small smile he has betraying his act, before nodding. “I think that’s me.”

Jaehyun lets him sneak a kiss at the corner of his lips before they exit the lift and tries to keep the heat from rising up his neck when he whispers _I love you so much_ in his ear as he leads both of them towards their car.

 

The drive back home is quieter than usual; the time filled mostly by their hands that reached out to find each other’s every time they stop in the traffic and Jaehyun staring at Youngho as he drove. He isn’t sure if his antics just now worked: Youngho’s mood seems to have gotten better, but it didn't feel right for him to end the night this way. When Youngho finally parks the car in the carpark of their own apartment block, Jaehyun holds onto his arm, stopping him from opening the door. 

“Hyung, hold on for a minute,” Jaehyun explains, “I have something to say.”

“... I hope it's not ‘I'm sorry’.”

He isn't even surprised that Youngho could read his mind now. He falters for a moment, the wry smile on Youngho’s face making him hesitate. But he should at least apologise for making him lie, and so he does.

“I am sorry, though.” he says, voice a little weaker this time. His insistence makes Youngho sigh, and he doesn't resist when he's pulled into Youngho’s arms.

 _It's not as if you could have said it there and then that I am your boyfriend_ , Youngho says in an attempt to comfort him. _How odd_ , Jaehyun thinks, _I am supposed to be the one comforting you_.

“... I could have.”

He did consider coming out to his aunt there and then, actually. Pull Youngho to his side, give him a suave kiss and show his elder that this is the only person he wants to live with for the rest of his life. But he figured that his aunt probably doesn't deserve that shock when it's late at night, and Youngho probably wouldn't approve of that.

“Ha!”

… and he supposes that he was right when Youngho snorts in disbelief. “That would have been a show, Jaehyun-ah.”

Jaehyun buries his nose deeply in the crook of Youngho's neck, inhaling the light, sandalwood scent of his cologne that has become his favourite smell — it made him feel at ease, safe. Just like Youngho.

“I only want you, hyung.”

A sigh escapes his mouth when Youngho kisses the side of his neck and then his ear to comfort him, saying, “I know, baby. We'll figure something out.” 

The words ‘we’ and ‘us’ always sound sweet when it's coming from the person you love; Jaehyun’s learnt after years together with Youngho. But it doesn't hide the fact that this is a battle that he needs to overcome on his own: one that Youngho has already overcome, with perhaps as much gains as losses.

Jaehyun pulls back then, hands coming up to cup Youngho’s face as he looks into his eyes.

“... You know that I’m always by your side, right?”  
  
Youngho smiles at his words, perhaps at the conviction he has when he said them too, and tugs him closer to whisper, “And I’m always by yours too.”

  
  
This time when Youngho leans down to kiss him full on the lips, Jaehyun’s lips meet his with just as much vigour.

 

 

 

 **_zero point five_ ** 

 

It was one of those languid moments after sex when the topic was first brought up.

 

“Hyung, do you miss home?”

They were in bed after bathing together, under the silk duvets and clad in nothing but their underwear. Jaehyun has his head tucked under Youngho’s chin, lips pressing kisses on the skin on his neck as Youngho held him close. Soft, dreamy alternative music was playing from the LP player Youngho has gotten him last Christmas, and Jaehyun closed his eyes, feeling the hums and vibrations coming from Youngho when he started to speak.

“Home as in Chicago?”

Jaehyun smiled at the question; the definition of ‘home’ has somehow become the place where they both were, after they fell in love and got together. But that wasn't what he was asking about.

“Mm, Chicago.”

He felt Youngho’s hand coming up to play with his hair, fingers threading through them gently, and he opened his eyes again so that he could look up into his.

“... I guess I do, Jaehyun-ah.”

They looked at each other for a while longer, until the song that was playing ended and the start of the next one came on, and then Youngho was leaning down to kiss his forehead to tell him that he's alright. But Jaehyun knew that he wasn't.

It's in the smile that he shows to try to hide his sadness whenever Jaehyun tells him that he has to go back to his parents’ to spend the holidays, and in the absence of the mention of his family whenever annual festivities meant to unite families come around.

He's heard from Ten (another one of Youngho’s juniors from university and the owner of the art studio above his photography studio) about it: how Youngho hasn’t gone back home to Chicago for nine years already, ever since he's transferred to Jaehyun’s high school.

“... Did they kick you out?” he asked just as Youngho was shifting his position to face Jaehyun.

“Not really,” Youngho shrugged, fingers grazing Jaehyun’s wrist in a soothing pattern, back and forth. “I guess I left on my own will because I couldn't stand the disappointment on their faces when I looked at them anymore.”

Jaehyun said nothing in return; he didn't know what words would be appropriate, so he chose to keep quiet and watch as Youngho’s fingers stroked the skin over his wrist.

“... Do you want to hear the rest of my story?”

Their eyes met when Jaehyun looked back up, and he nodded slowly. Of course he wanted to hear it; he wanted to know everything about him, if it was possible.

“It's a pretty boring story, though.” Youngho warned him, lips forming a sheepish smile.

“I’ll try not to fall asleep, then.” Jaehyun joked, grinning when he got pinch on his cheeks in return.

And so he learnt that night that Youngho grew up in a rather happy family; parents who were both taking up directorial positions and yet still managed to find time to create wonderful memories that a kid should have with him: hiking trips, vacations to the big cities and beaches, Christmas and celebrations together.

There was nothing much he was lacking in; very much like Jaehyun himself.

But it all fell apart when they found out that Youngho had been dating a boy during the senior year of high school.

“They got really mad, and I couldn't understand why.” he recounted, eyes clouded with the same sadness Jaehyun guessed was in the eyes of 18 years old John Suh as well, “I guess I was just too naive then; I had a friend who came out to his parents too, and they were so accepting… And I thought, surely, my parents would do the same… But…” 

Jaehyun caressed the side of Youngho’s face as he stopped talking for a moment, hoping that it’ll comfort him even if just a little. And then the story continued: Youngho came to Korea to find his cousin and finish his education here at the advice of his mother, who had seemingly accepted the news, but not entirely the fact that her son was gay. She still seemed to believe that it was a one-time happening, that Youngho was ‘normal’ and just needed to get away from the ‘negative influences’ of the environment around him.

“At first I thought that maybe after a while they’ll understand; I called them every once and then while I was here, and we don’t talk about that at all. I hoped they would eventually accept me for who I am. But when my mom asked me one night if I’ve found a girl I’m interested in yet, I knew it was futile.”

Youngho chose to avoid them in the end; he maintained his identity and dignity, and paid the price with the only home’s his known.  
  
“... You have me now, hyung.” Jaehyun promised a long while after Youngho stopped talking, when they were just basking in the melancholic atmosphere, under the warm night light by the bedside and the soft music playing.  
  
“I’ll be your home.”  
  
Neither of them moved after Jaehyun made his promise, the slightest movement only coming from their chests that brushed against each other’s with each intake of breath.  
  
“Hey, Jae?”

Youngho called Jaehyun’s nickname in English when he finally opened his mouth to speak again, surprising Jaehyun.  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“… You already have all of me.” Youngho confessed, voice becoming deeper as it usually did when he’s using English.  
  
“Even if you throw me away now, I think I’ll just spend the rest of my life looking at you from afar, making sure that you’ll living happily,” Youngho’s eyes were full of mirth as he talked, despite the heavy topic. Just imagining that scene was enough to make Jaehyun frown, and he opened his mouth to protest, but Youngho was already continuing.  
  
“My heart’s already in this pretty hand of yours,” and as if to prove his point, he brought Jaehyun’s hand up, holding it over his chest where his heart was.  
  
“I don’t think I can find another person to love anymore.”  
  
The words warmed Jaehyun’s heart, but his throat constricted at the thought of the possible weight they carried — Jaehyun was already Youngho’s everything. 

But Youngho needed to know that he felt exactly the same way too.  
  
“Hey, Johnny?”  
  
And so Jaehyun mustered up his courage to call Youngho’s English name. Youngho raised a brow, looking questioningly at him before chuckling.  
  
“Yes, Jaehyun?”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
His confession coincided with the climax of the song playing, guitar riffs and drum beats mixing with the sound of his words, but he was sure that with their close distance it would have gotten through. Youngho bit his lip as if he was trying to stop himself from laughing, and then asked:  
  
“Say it again, please?”  
  
He was doubtful of the reason behind the request, but obliged in it anyway, looking into Youngho’s eyes that had a hint of playfulness.

“I love you.”  
  
“Again?”  
  
“... I love you." 

This time, Jaehyun could no longer look straight into his eyes, head ducking down to try to cool the heat on his face down. How weird, that it was usually Youngho who couldn’t stand mushy, sweet things that others do for him, but their role switches when they are alone with each other. Youngho cupped his face in his hands then, pressing their foreheads together so that their noses bumped against each other.  
  
“One last time?” requested Youngho, almost like a child asking his mother for another piece of candy. Jaehyun grumbled something unintelligibly half-heartedly in an effort to get Youngho to stop, but only succeeded in making him press kisses on his cheeks to coax the words out. At his cries of surrender, Youngho pulled back at last, enough for Jaehyun to take a deep breath and say for the last time:

“I love you, John Suh. More than you’ll ever know.”  
  
He was about to turn away when Youngho wouldn’t stop staring at him without saying anything, but before he knew it the man in front of him was making a soft, keening noise as he leant down to bury his head in Jaehyun’s chest. _I think I’m going crazy_ , Youngho whined, causing Jaehyun to laugh as he cradled his head gently.

  
  
That was just the beginning of Jaehyun’s revelation that he was truly lucky to have Youngho for himself.

 

 

 

**_three_ **

 

It's the time of the year for New Year's, which means that Jaehyun has to head down to Busan to visit his extended family with his parents. It isn’t the first time that they’re getting separated from each other; Youngho had his fair share of photography projects overseas (once even to Africa, which Jaehyun is still jealous of), and Jaehyun occasionally had to head back to visit his parents and family across the year.

But knowing what New Year meant in their Korean culture and Youngho’s background, Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel a little sad every time periods like this come around.

“... I’ll be back home soon.”

Unlike Jaehyun, Youngho doesn’t seem to be quite as concerned, only pushing him towards the entrance of their apartment.

“Remember to buy some of my favourite fish cake before you head back,” Youngho reminds him again, and Jaehyun would roll his eyes at how food seemed to be the only thing on his mind when his boyfriend was going to be absent from his side for four days — if he didn’t know that he was only doing this to get Jaehyun to stop worrying. 

“I’ll call you when I have time.” he promises after he slipped his feet into his shoes and leans up to kiss Youngho.

Youngho nods, kissing him hastily on the lips again before pushing him out of the door, chiding, “It isn’t nice to make the elders wait.”

When he turns back in the direction of their apartment at the lift lobby on their floor, he sees Youngho waving at him by the door. It brings a smile to his face, and he waves back, feeling like he could breathe for just a little while more.

 

Jaehyun always feels a little jittery when his parents swing round to visit him or fetch him from their apartment. He usually tries to discourage them from coming over using the distance between their places as an excuse, especially his mother who often talks about wanting to stock some side dishes in their refrigerator to make sure that he (and his roommate, the senior from university he’s introduced Youngho to be when he first announced that he was moving in with someone) was eating well.

The jitters he felt probably first started after he overheard a conversation between a distant relative and his mother during one family gathering. _Jaehyunie’s career pays him well, shouldn’t he have the money to get his own place? Isn’t it weird that he’s still living with another man at that age?_ Honestly, it isn’t that weird; there are so many other men out there who are living with other men in completely platonic relationships, like Jungwoo from the logistics department of their company whom he eats lunch with sometimes: he lives with another man — Taeil if he remembers correctly — a few years his senior because they both found it to be more convenient. But knowing that his relationship with his roommate was exactly what people like his relatives would call ‘weird’, it left a huge impact on him.

Ever since then he’s tried to avoid talking about it and prevented them from coming over, unless they absolutely insisted on it. Today was another one of those days where he didn’t have an option; not when his father concluded the conversation with _Dad just wants to spend some time with you_ , in the warm, fatherly tone he used to hear often as a kid. He just couldn’t voice his rejection out, especially since he knows that he’s been spending less time with them lately.

The drive to their house, where Jaehyun is heading first to help his mother with the food preparations, is uncomfortably quiet. His father has always been a quiet, composed man. As a kid he has always looked up to him as a strong, steady figure of their family, but as he grew older and realised that silence could mean a lot of different things, sometimes he wished that he would speak his mind. Like now, when they haven’t said a thing after exchanging greetings when Jaehyun has gotten on the car. He knows that there are things that his father wanted to talk to him about, otherwise he wouldn’t go out of his way to pick him up like this. 

 

“Jaehyun-ah,” he almost sighs in relief when his father finally called his name, “Your mom and I know that you’re busy, but at least come back once in a while to have dinner.” 

Jaehyun freezes for a moment, not expecting his father to mention it so bluntly, but also feels the words pricking at his conscience, because he hasn’t been that busy to not have time to visit them.

He was just afraid to meet them ever since his relationship with Youngho started.

Like Youngho, he grew up in a loving family; his parents have always showered him with unconditional love, and he never had problems communicating with them. Even when he started to realise after high school that he might be romantically and sexually interested in men, he still met girls who showed interest in him during his university days and brought them home to meet his parents. Clearly, none of those relationship lasted, but he still thought that he was still on the right track of making his parents proud of him.

That all changed five years ago, when he met Youngho again at that jazz bar.

 

“I’ll try, Dad.” he says, and after a pause, adds, “I’m sorry.”

He thinks he heard him say _‘Don’t be...’,_ but it was too soft and Lee Moonsae’s voice coming from the stereo easily muffled his voice.

Jaehyun doesn’t have the courage to ask him what exactly he said again.

 

 

 

New Year celebrations have always been as busy as Chuseok, even more so when it’s happening right after a weekend like this year. Preparations always seem endless, regardless of how much time they have, and it’s also why Jaehyun has to leave home for four days instead of the original two. The hours pass by fast when they’re busy with preparations, and Jaehyun only manages to find time to text Youngho when they are on the car ride to Busan in the evening. He is just a little sleepy, having taken his mother’s place in doing most of the cooking when she had to leave to meet a friend urgently in the afternoon.

**19:03**

_We're at the highway rest stop now_

_Walnut cakes or corn dogs???_

**19:03**

_If it's you, walnut cakes_

_You know I'll pick corn dogs_

**19:04**

_I'll just get both then_

_for the both of us ^^_

**19:04**

_(tears of joy emoji)_

_Okay then_

_Eat a lot~_

_because our Jaehyunie can't lose even 1g_

**19:04**

_ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

 

He spends the rest of the journey dozing off in the backseat, the oldies his father is playing from the stereo lulling him to sleep. By the time they finally reach his grandma’s house, it's close to 11 at night and he has 6 unread messages from Youngho.

**20:11**

_I cooked my ramyun too watery again_

_T T_

**20:14**

_Are you sleeping?_

**20:18**

_I guess you're sleeping.. sweet dreams~_

**22:01**

_(photo)_

_You'll be temporarily replaced by Pooh these three nights!_

Jaehyun bursts out laughing at the selfie Youngho took, his Winnie the Pooh plushie in his arms as he lay on their bed. The noise startles his parents in the front, and his mother asks amusedly if he's that excited to be back in Busan. He grins, slightly embarrassed, and slots his phone back into his pocket after typing a quick reply. 

**22:54**

_I was sleeping, sorry_

_We just reached grandma’s place; text you later!_

His grandma welcomes him with open arms when he steps out of the car, and Jaehyun returns the embrace just as passionately. Having spent most of his childhood under his grandma's care, he always feels at ease and comforted when he sees her. He follows his parents to greet the rest of his relatives who have already reached before them, and finds his cousins whom he grew up with to catch up with them.

By the time he finally gets to bed, it's already close to 1 in the morning. He hastily opens the chat conversation with Youngho again to reply what he's missed out just now.

**01:01**

_Sorry, hyung, I've finally just settled down in bed_

_I told you to first measure the amount of water with the bowl before you cook it >:( did you forget again? _

_And tell Pooh that it's fine if he's keeping you company these three nights but once I'm back he needs to go back to the side of the bed!!_

_Sleep tight, hyung, if you're sleeping already_

_♡_

He shifts around on his futon as he scrolls through the social media applications on his phone, the heating of the floor beneath him relaxing his tense muscles a little. His phone buzzes suddenly, the notification showing a message from Youngho, and he taps into the conversation.

**01:07**

_I forgot T T_

_Pooh says: okay... :(_

_ㅎㅎ_

_Go to sleep, Jaehyun-ah, you must be tired_

_Sweet dreams, sweetie_

**01:07**

_Don't you have work in the morning too???_

_Sleep, hyung_

_Goodnight~_

**01:08**

_I do, but I stayed up just in case you had time to reply_

_I'll sleep now_

_Goodnight, Jae_

_♡_

**01:08**

_♡_

The next day flies by even faster, with more relatives joining them at the house as they prepare for the festivities tomorrow. With nothing much the youngsters can do, Jaehyun heads out to go around the city with his cousins, ending up by one of the beaches just before the sun sets. As one of the older cousins in the family, he tells the younger ones to go play while he sits down to rest at the benches and snap some photos.

**18:03**

_(photo)_

_It’s the last sunset of this lunar year ^^_

**18:04**

_I would like to request for a selca, please._

Laughing, he turns around to take a few selfies with the sunset in the background, and sends them all to Youngho.

**18:06**

_(4 photos)_

_Your request has been approved, sir._

**18:07**

_Very kind of you, sir._

  **18:08**

_Kyaaaaa Jung Jaehyun~~~_

_Our Jaehyunie_

_Beauty that beats the sunset_

_Beauty that beats nature_

He snorts aloud, jokingly rolling his eyes at Youngho’s messages even though he knows he won’t be able to see or hear them. He takes a few photos of his cousins at their request, taking note to send the photos to their parents later on, and then goes back to the chat.

 

  **18:08**

_Have you eaten?_

**18:12**

_Nope, we’re going to head back soon for dinner_

_What about you? What’s for dinner?_

**18:11**

_Probably tacos._ _ㅎ_

_Let’s go on a vacation at the end of the year_

_I think I’ll be free after I sort out some clients for their EOY photoshoots_

_You still have vacation days, right?_

**18:12**

_Yes_

_Let’s!!!_

_T T_

_To Busan?_

**18:12**

_Busan’s okay too_

_I’m thinking of staying within Korea_

_Explore the different provinces a little_

Just as he was about to reply with some possible destinations, one of his cousins yells _Jaehyunie-hyung! Mom says to go back for dinner!_ from the distance, phone by his ear. He nods, and sends a quick text over to notify Youngho that they can talk about it when he gets back.

The day of New Year’s arrives at last, and it is a busy occasion since the morning: the customs and rituals of paying respects to the ancestors and their elders, the boisterous, non-stop meals for the entire family. Jaehyun skillfully avoids the hunting, curious gazes of his elders by busying himself with the clearing of dishes and joining his cousins in playing video games. He tenses up when one of his uncles targets a cousin next to him to ask whether she’s got a boyfriend yet, and sighs in relief when his aunt yells that she’s still 22 and for him to come help with the dishes instead of bothering the young ones.

He finally finds the time to sneak out to the front yard alone after dinner, when the elders are sitting around the living room, talking about the olden days before Jaehyun was even born, and the youngsters are huddling amongst themselves, discussing about idols and games that Jaehyun has only heard of.

The call gets through within four rings, and from the loud bass of the music playing in the background, Jaehyun figures out that Youngho’s in his studio.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Hey, Jae.”

They say at the same time, and both giggle at what’s just happened. It’s been a long while since he’s heard Youngho’s voice, and the sound of it soothes his exhaustion in an instant.

“How was New Year’s? Happy New Year, by the way.”

He laughs at the sudden greeting, only to cover his mouth as he turns back to check if anyone in the living room has noticed him. He lowers his volume when he speaks again, whispering a _Happy New Year_ and telling him how tiring it has been these few days.

“Oh, how is the weather in Seoul today? I heard the temperature had a drastic drop; are you okay, hyung?”

Knowing how Youngho is less resistant to the cold, Jaehyun can’t help but get concerned even when he knows Youngho can take care of himself just fine. But a dramatic sob comes across from the other end of the line then, and Jaehyun smiles as he prepares himself for Youngho’s jokes again.

“I'm so pitiful, Jaehyunie took the sunshine away with him when he left, and now I’m cold… and lonely...”

“… Sounds like you're fine, seeing that you can still joke around.”

Youngho makes another whining noise, and they both laugh this time. He lets out a sigh when their laughter dies down, and Jaehyun’s ears perk up.

“Really though, I always miss you when you aren't around, but I think I miss you especially more today.”

His words sends another wave of longing in him, heart swelling as he pictures Youngho in his studio, sorting out the photos he’s just developed. It’ll be nice if he could hold his hands to keep it warm on such a cold day.

“I miss you too, hyung.” he whispers, careful to not let others hear.

They talk about Youngho’s day; how he’d decided to not drive to work today knowing that it’s crowded, and how he’s been ordering lattes at the nearby cafes recently instead of his usual Americano. Lattes used to be Jaehyun’s go-to, but now he’s taken a liking to the Americano — which seems like Youngho’s go-to until recently. The conversation fades out after a while, and Jaehyun listens to Youngho’s steady breathing and his hummings to the song playing in the background.

“Hey, John?” Jaehyun says in English — blurts out, to be exact. The words spilled out of his mouth before he had time to think through. 

He hears a familiar chuckle, and then the answer he's waiting for sounds through the device, across the two hundred miles they're separated by.

“Yes, Jae?”

“... I love you.”

Another chuckle.

“I love you too, my angel.”

The pet name sends heat flaring up his face, and Jaehyun brings a hand up to cover it even though he's alone right now.

“You're covering your face now, aren't you?” Youngho teases a little provokingly, and this time it is Jaehyun’s turn to start making whining noises.

“Hyung…”

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop.”

The music stops playing from the other end, and he hears some shuffling noises. _Are you packing up? Yep, time to head home and hug Pooh. Pfft —_ Jaehyun laughs, muffling it with his his hand. He plops down on the edge of the wooden daybed in the front yard as he listens to Youngho going about his studio to pack up, legs too tired to stand any longer. The clicks of the switches sounds across the device, and finally the ring of the electronic lock, signalling that the front door has been locked.

“... I'm coming home tomorrow, hyung.”

He says at last, words in rhythm with the steps Youngho is taking as he walks down the staircase ( _“just in case the connection breaks in the elevator!”)._

“Mm, I'll be waiting for you at home.”

 

And if that isn't the warmest promise someone can give, Jaehyun doesn't know what can be.

 

 

 

**_four_ **

 

The text from his mother comes unexpectedly.

 

It’s Friday, a few days after they’ve returned from Busan, and Youngho was driving them to catch a movie in the evening to celebrate the end of the work week.

**19:22**

_Son, would you have time to meet with Mom for a short while tomorrow?_

_Mom has something to tell you_

“... Mom says she wants to meet me…”

Youngho gives an indistinct hum in response, eyes focused on the road ahead as he drives. _What can it be,_ Jaehyun mulls over the possible topics when Youngho doesn’t reply, head banging against the cold window gently as the car drives past the familiar buildings downtown. They come to a stop at the junction just before they turn into the multiplex, and Jaehyun turns to Youngho just as Youngho’s hand finds his.

“It’ll be fine, no matter what it is.”

He doesn’t know what exactly eases him from his thoughts; the reassuring words, or that warm gaze Youngho always has when he’s looking at him. But his worries have faded away regardless, so he gives Youngho a smile and squeezes the hand intertwined in his to express his appreciation. 

****

It turns out to be something he can’t say that he hadn’t expect.

“That young man you’re living with, your university senior…”

Fear overcomes him within a split second after the revelation of the subject of the conversation, and Jaehyun’s hands clenches hard around his kneecaps under the table to force himself to keep calm.

They are in a quiet cafe in one of the city’s less busy districts, and from how the owner recognised his mother he supposed that she’s a regular. The iced Americano he’s ordered is currently forming a pool of water on the table — he hasn’t managed to take even one sip after their orders arrived because of how his mother went straight to the point the moment their conversation started.

“His name is John?”

“... His Korean name is Youngho.” he manages to reply with a steady voice.

His mother nods, murmuring a soft _I see_ before taking a sip of the tea she’s ordered. Jaehyun looks on, breath shallow and heart beating increasingly harder as he tries to calculate the possibility that his mother knows everything.

“I went to see him a week ago, at his studio.”

“... Mom…”

 “Mom was so shocked when I went in; there were so many nicely taken photos of you in his studio. Did you know?”

He doesn’t reply, mind swirling with questions of how, why and when: _How did she find out what Youngho did and where he worked? Why did she go find him, when did she go find him? Why didn’t Youngho mention anything to him?_

“... Is this why you haven’t been coming home as often, Jaehyun-ah?”

Seems like it’s a 100% possibility.

“... I’m not going to leave him, Mom.”

His motHer says nothing in return, only staring at him with an unreadable expression. Jaehyun thinks of what Youngho has told him about his own parents a few years ago, and wonders if he’ll have to choose between his family and who he is too. 

And then as if it was all just a joke, his mother laughs; not a cynical one, but the usual, gentle laugh that he’s grown up listening to.

“I know, Jaehyun-ah. Mom is sad, is that who you think your mother is?”

His mother chuckles again, probably at the confused expression Jaehyun must have on his face right now, before continuing.

“We know you’ve been uncomfortable with coming home and seeing us,” she says, tone a little resigned, “And we’ve been wondering what the problem was for some time…”

She goes on to explain about how she’s always had a suspicion about their relationship, and after hearing from his aunt that she saw them being affectionate with each other before coming up to talk to them that one night, her suspicions were confirmed. The final evidence came in when she saw the pictures Youngho’s posted of him on his Instagram; Jaehyun knows that they’re all pictures of his back view or candid photos with his face cropped out — they’ve made an agreement for Youngho to avoid posting pictures of his face on his social media accounts — and all tagged with ‘theloveofmylife’. It’ll be hard for people who don’t know them to guess who the man was, but there’s no denying that his mother would be able to recognise him as ambiguous as the photos may have been.

He must have stopped breathing, because he’s taking in a huge gush of air before speaking again.

“... You’re not mad?”

“Well, I’m a little sad, but no, not mad.” His mother says, gaze turning worried. “I know that this path isn’t easy, and Mom’s heart aches to know that you will probably suffer some hardships. But I can see that he loves you a lot, and that you love him too.”

A lump forms in his throat then, and he wills himself not to let the tears welling up in his eyes fall. 

“Mom is glad.”

He doesn’t know what to say, and when he manages to croak a broken _Mom..._ out, she takes his hands into her own and smiles.

“Mom knows everything, but your dad doesn’t. I think he’ll like it if you let him know yourself.”

She strokes his hair gently, something that she does often when he was younger and whenever he came to visit after he moved out, but hasn’t gotten the chance to when Jaehyun started to avoid them.

“He seems like a really fine young man.” she adds with a musing gaze, “It must have been hard on him to be alone here all this while…”

 

“Come home, Jaehyun-ah. Together.”

 

And Jaehyun lets the tears fall.

 

 

He doesn’t dare to go home ( _their_ home, his and Youngho’s) when he left the cafe after his mother, not when his tears are still threatening to fall, and definitely not when he’s so overwhelmed by emotions. So he hides himself in his car, turns up the stereo that is playing old Coldplay songs and lets himself release his emotions.

It is definitely something to be happy about; his parents being so accepting of his identity and their relationship. But Jaehyun can’t stop his heart from aching when he thinks about what Youngho has gone through and how he wished things could have been the same for him. He lets the tears and sobs flow freely, thanking himself for deciding to park in a corner slot of the carpark just now as it meant that no one would walk pass and see him in such a state. It takes two full songs for the sobs to subside, and he fishes out his phone from his pocket to send Youngho a text. 

**17:53**

_Hyung_

_I really, really want to hug you right now_

**17:53**

_?_

_What’s wrong_

He ignores Youngho’s incoming calls, not daring to answer them when his voice is wrecked from crying, and instead focuses on calming himself down to drive back home safely.

When he finally gets home, Youngho’s already waiting for him at the doorway, looking worried. It makes Jaehyun a little guilty about not answering his calls, and he rushes inside to hug him, throwing his arms around his neck. The tears come out again involuntarily when he feels Youngho’s hands stroking his head and back.

“Shh, baby… What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, burying his face deeper into the soft fabric of Youngho’s hoodie as he tries to pull him even closer.

It’s not the time to tell him yet.

“It’s nothing bad…” he tries to reassure him, not caring if his voice is muffled by the clothing.

“Then why are you crying?”

Jaehyun says nothing, only remaining his latch on Youngho even as he leads both of them back to the couch in the living room. He kisses Youngho’s palm when his hand comes up to wipe his tears, and closes his eyes when they lie down, Jaehyun on top of Youngho so that the couch can accommodate both of them.

“... Are you hungry?” Youngho asks after some time, hand still stroking Jaehyun’s hair gently.

“Not really…” Jaehyun replies, clearing his throat in an attempt to get rid of the croaky voice. “Are you?”

“Nope,” he feels Youngho bending down and then a kiss falls on the crown of his head. “Let’s just stay like this for a while more.”

He hums in agreement, and snuggles closer against Youngho.

 

When his eyes opened again, he realises that they’ve fallen asleep, both lying on their sides on the couch. Youngho is spooning him, one arm hanging protectively around his waist and steady breath fanning the back of his neck. The floor lamp at the corner is casting a warm, yellow glow on the rest of the room, and he gives his dry eyes a rub before reaching out for his phone on the coffee table.

**21:04**

_Mom, I’ll come visit you and Dad tomorrow._

 

He had promised Youngho once that he’ll be his home. Now it finally feels like he can deliver that promise.

 

 

 

 

**_five_**

 

It’s Youngho’s birthday today.

 

It’s also a special one, because it is the first birthday Youngho’s spending with ‘3’ as the first digit of his age.

Unfortunately, the 9th of February fell on a weekday this year, which means that Jaehyun has to leave for work at 8 in the morning. He’s considered calling in sick today last night, but Youngho reminded him what’s slipped off his mind.

“Doyoung will probably know that you’re lying to spend my birthday with me, though.”

Tch, he wasn’t that irresponsible to skip work to spend his boyfriend’s birthday with him.

(Although he really wanted to.)

 

His eyes opened the moment the alarm he’s set last night started to ring; he’s set it an hour earlier than usual so that he has time to prepare a birthday breakfast for Youngho — just the traditional seaweed soup, an omelet (one of Youngho’s favourite dish that Jaehyun makes), and rice. He coos at the birthday boy next to him when he shows signs of stirring awake because of the alarm, stroking his hair and telling him to go back to sleep while kissing on his forehead. Once he’s sure that Youngho’s back in dreamland, he gets up to move quickly into the bathroom, speeding up his washing process so that he wouldn’t end up late for work.

It’s a relatively easy breakfast for Jaehyun to make, considering that he’s learnt to cook from his mother since his teenage years. He’s also been in charge of the meals for the both of them when they’re lazy or sick of eating out. Youngho has been trying to pick up some tips and skills, helping out every once in a while, but Jaehyun still finds it easier for him to cook alone — not that he’s mentioned it to him.

He’s just finished plating the omelet when a warm body attaches itself to his back and a familiar weight rests on his shoulder.

“You’re up?” he asks Youngho, leaning his head a little to the side to allow him to nuzzle his face against his neck. “You could have slept in a while more.”

“It was empty next to me…” Youngho mumbles, sleep still lacing his voice, and Jaehyun chuckles.

He moves around the kitchen with Youngho clinging onto him, somewhat used to the weight as it’s not the first time they’ve done this. The stubble on Youngho’s chin pricks the bare skin on his shoulders, but he decides to let him be since he’s the birthday boy, after all. When he’s done with serving all the dishes, he hurries Youngho in the direction of the bathroom.

“Go wash up, I wanna see you eat before I leave for work.”

Jaehyun accepts Youngho’s kisses across his face somewhat begrudgingly and pushes him gently when he stops to whisper _thank you_ in his ear. The birthday boy pulls back obligingly, only to laugh at the mildly annoyed expression on Jaehyun’s face.

“I’ll be right back.”

As Youngho busies himself in the bathroom, Jaehyun takes the time to dress himself up for work, his tie hanging loosely around his collar as he walks out of the dressing room. He checks the time on his watch and notes that he’s got 20 minutes left before he has to leave for work, which should give him enough time to sit down to accompany Youngho for his meal.

“I’ll send you off to work.”

Youngho says the first thing once he’s out of the bathroom, looking fresh and slightly wet. Jaehyun’s protests and declines were silenced the moment he uses the birthday card on him ( _“It’s my birthday today, don’t I get to decide what I want to do?”),_ and they sit peacefully next to each other at the dining table, Jaehyun murmuring a ‘ _eat well’_ when Youngho thanked him for the meal again.

“Now I’ve really known you for 11 years,” Jaehyun muses as he watches Youngho drink the seaweed soup, “Time really flies.”

To be exact, they haven’t truly known each other for 11 years; the years spent in high school shouldn’t really be counted since they barely talked to each other, but it was their first meeting, nonetheless.

“You’re right…” Youngho sounds surprised at what Jaehyun mentioned, obviously just realising it himself.

He puts down the bowl in his hands and turns to face Jaehyun fully, who looks at him questioningly. When he pulls him into his embrace, Jaehyun returns it just as warmly, not paying mind to how his shirt might crumple.

“Thank you, Jaehyun-ah…” Youngho says for the third time this morning, but Jaehyun knows that this ‘thank you’ has a different meaning.

 _Thank you for being in my life for the past 11 years, thank you for being by my side, thank you for everything_.

And so he returns the words.

“Thank you too, hyung.”

 

 _Thank you for loving me, thank you for being my everything_.

 

 

Having made plans to celebrate Youngho’s birthday proper after Jaehyun gets off work, he could barely contain his excitement for tonight at work, getting asked multiple times by his colleagues what’s putting him in such a good mood today, and also unavoidably earning some nagging from Doyoung.

“Let’s focus during work, Team Leader Jung.” Doyoung reminded after noticing Jaehyun smiling sheepishly at his desktop while walking past to get to his own desk, causing the rest of the colleagues to laugh. Their department had a friendly atmosphere, with most of them knowing the friendly relations between Doyoung and Jaehyun, and were used to seeing them bicker with each other. Jaehyun gave Doyoung a half-serious apology, going to the extent to stand up and bow, eliciting more laughter from the others and an annoyed huff from Doyoung himself.

They’ve settled on going to one of their favourite Italian restaurants for dinner tonight, with the plans Jaehyun have afterwards kept a secret from Youngho. When Youngho came to fetch him off work, Jaehyun gives him a full kiss on the lips quickly, murmuring _Happy birthday_ before settling down in the passenger seat to put on his seatbelt.

Pop music is their choice of music for the ride this evening, befitting to Jaehyun’s high spirits. Youngho grins at the sight of Jaehyun singing along to the songs playing, fingers on the steering wheel tapping along to the beat. They chat for a while, about each other’s day at work and what happened with Doyoung in the office. The conversation steers inevitably to the plans Jaehyun had in mind after dinner, and after failing in getting Jaehyun to reveal his plans again, Youngho asks:

“… You’re not going to take me to a strip club or something, are you?”

“God, no,” Jaehyun laughs, throwing his head back at the thought of them going to a strip club together.

“I just have something to tell you, hyung.”

Youngho shoots him a look of disbelief, eyes squinting in suspicion, but Jaehyun shrugs them off, lips quirking up as he tries to keep himself from laughing.

 

Dinner ends off pleasantly, both of them satisfied with the pasta and wine they had under the warm candle lights and soft music. When they return to the car, Jaehyun gets in the driver seat, telling Youngho that he'll be driving them to the place.

“Is it that secretive?” Youngho questions, unable to contain his amusement at how hard he's trying to hide his plans.

Jaehyun nods, unfazed. “Hyung will probably know where it is once I start driving.”

And he’s right — although it took a little longer than expected. The ‘ _ah!’_ of enlightenment he's been waiting for comes only when they are a street away from the place, and Jaehyun smiles at last.

“It's that jazz bar!” Youngho exclaims, hands slapping his thighs in excitement at how he’s finally solved the mystery. “That one where we first met!”

They turn into the street where the bar is located, and Jaehyun chooses to give him a secretive smile instead of a reply as he searches for a parking space. Honestly, he hasn’t been counting on Youngho to remember that bar: from what he’s heard, that night when they met again was the first time Youngho’s been there, and he was only there because he needed Taeyong’s help in something. After their relationship began they’ve only came back once, mostly because of how Jaehyun’s company moved buildings, and they both just got busier with work.

He probably would have felt slightly disappointed if Youngho couldn’t remember, but now that he found out that he does, it feels like a surprise he’s received the birthday boy himself. It’s an odd feeling; his heart beating fast and head feeling a little light as if he’s intoxicated.

Having been in a relationship with Youngho for almost five years now though, Jaehyun could easily tell the difference between what Youngho’s capable of making him feel and the effects of the wine they just had during dinner.

 

The moment they open the heavy wooden door to the bar, Jaehyun feels as if he’s been transported back in time; so little has changed inside even after all these years. The lighting, the small stage at the corner of the room with the same velvet backdrop, the vintage furnishings and even the Chet Baker songs they played. He turns back to look at Youngho, wanting to share his disbelief, but finds him looking back at him with an awestruck expression too. The need for words disappear then, as they both know that they are on the same page. Jaehyun’s hand finds Youngho’s, and he leads him to the bar counter, stopping at the exact place where they sat that night.

“This feels really odd…” Youngho mumbles when they settle down in their seats, Jaehyun on his left, just like how he has been a few years ago.

Jaehyun smiles, feeling the exact same way, but he doesn’t exactly dislike it. They order their drinks, and then sit in comfortable silence while listening to Chet Baker’s voice playing from the speakers. When the drinks arrive, Jaehyun clinks his glass with Youngho’s gently, toasting _To the birthday boy_ softly _,_ only to nearly choke on his sweet cocktail when Youngho laments over how 30 doesn’t qualify for the ‘boy’ title any longer.

“So, am I with the 23-year-old Jung Jaehyun now or the 27-year-old one?”

Youngho asks him after he stops coughing, and his brows furrow in rather serious contemplation despite it being a joke.

“I think you’ll like the 27-year-old one better, hyung.”

He watches as Youngho’s light expression turns into surprise, opening his mouth to speak before Youngho can ask him ‘why?’:

“I told my parents about us.”

Youngho’s eyes widens slightly in surprise but he says nothing other than a soft _I see_ , ending off with an expectant look to get Jaehyun to continue. His calm reaction reminds Jaehyun of something else, and he gets distracted from the original topic.

“... Mom said she’s gone to find you a week ago.” he says, unable to stop the slight betrayal he felt from seeping into his tone and expression. Youngho chuckles at the half-glare he’s sending him, and slides his fingers in between Jaehyun’s on the countertop.

“Aunty didn’t want me to let you know; she said she wanted to talk to you herself.”

Only then did Jaehyun feel the tightness around his chest relaxing, and he asks, “She didn’t give you any trouble, did she?”

Youngho laughs, shoulders shaking as he replies, “Of course not, silly. She was lovely. I almost had an heart attack when she first introduced herself, but… She’s a really lovely person, Jaehyun-ah.”

His face heats up when Youngho adds a softer, _Made me understand where you got all your loveliness from,_ afterwards, feeling flattered and maybe just a bit proud.

“What did she talk to you about?”

Youngho shrugs, brows furrowing a little as he tries to remember. “How we met, what exactly I do for a living, my family…”

His voice fades off at the mention of his family, but he smiles when Jaehyun squeezes his hand, and continues, “If I really love you.”

“… And what did you say?” Jaehyun asks, a teasing smile on his lips.

“' _Of course_ ’!” Youngho reenacts how he replied, voice full of gusto. It gains the attention of the people sitting around them, and he bows his head sheepishly in apology to them while Jaehyun lowers his head to suppress his laughter next to him.

“You haven’t told me how your parents reacted to the news yet.”

Jaehyun’s mouth falls open in realisation at Youngho’s reminder, and his gaze softens again at the thought of it.

“... They can’t wait for me to bring you home.”

Youngho stares at him, eyes wide in evident confusion, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh at his expression. He cups Youngho’s face in his hands, looking into his eyes before repeating himself: “They can’t wait to meet you.”

“They’re not…” _mad?_ Jaehyun smiles when he realises that Youngho’s asking the same question he’s asked his mother when they met, and shakes his head.

“Not at all; they’ve been waiting for me to be honest with them, actually.” 

He sees Youngho’s hands shaking a little on his knees and holds them tightly in his own, teasing, “Shouldn’t you have seen this coming? My mom came to see you and you said that she was lovely.”

“I expected them to accept you, but I didn’t expect that…”

Jaehyun’s heart softens at Youngho’s words; he probably didn’t think that his parents would be so accepting towards him too. He interlocks their fingers together, and brings them to rest on his lap to get Youngho’s full attention. This is the part he’s been waiting for all day.

“I want you to accompany me to visit them.”

He says in a determined tone, one that didn’t allow for any declinations, and then adds in emphasis, “It’s my birthday wish for this year.”

Youngho chuckles at his request, smiling as he shakes his head in exasperation and Jaehyun can almost hear the unspoken ‘ _you’re impossible’_ running through his head right now, but he carries on. 

“I promised you that I’ll be your home,” he says, perhaps the most serious he’s been all day.

“Now I think I can finally achieve that.”

“Silly,” Youngho chides as he wraps an arm around Jaehyun’s shoulder to pull him closer towards him, “Jae, I’m already home, aren’t I?”

Jaehyun grins at his words, his arms winding around Youngho’s waist under his coat to form a somewhat awkward side-hug. He supposes that Youngho isn’t wrong: this is home, after all, for both of them. It will be as long as they are together. But the thought about how Youngho has an actual family — his family, not just any family — he can rely on here now just makes Jaehyun absolutely overjoyed.

“Thank you, Jaehyun-ah,” he hears Youngho’s voice above his head, “I’m really happy.”

They’re lucky that their end of the bar counter is only dimly lit, with a majority of the customers a considerable distance away from them. It gives Jaehyun the courage to lean up to sneak a kiss on Youngho’s lips, pulling back just as fast to ask:

“So this means that I’m getting my birthday wish fulfilled, right?”

Youngho rolls his eyes without malice and reaches up to pinch Jaehyun’s right cheek, which Jaehyun knows that it’s a sign for how he’s already given in.

“There’s one thing you got wrong, though.” Youngho points out just as he starts to pull away to face the front, and he turns to look at him.

“No matter which version of yourself you are, the 23-year-old or the 27-year-old one, I love you just the same.”

Jaehyun’s heart flutters again at Youngho’s words, and he groans, turning away to hide his face.

“Ugh, _hyung…_ ” he scowls when he hears Youngho laughing.

 

“Love you too, Jae.”

 

 

_(“But we aren't really spending Valentine’s Day over at your parents, are we?”_

_“Well… We can head over for lunch together, and then… Have the evening for ourselves.”_

_“... At home?”_

_“I don’t know~ Where do you want to take me for such a special occasion?”_

_“... Let’s stay at home. Mm?”_

_“... We’ll see.”)_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the epilogue's in the next chapter!


	2. epilogue

**_epilogue_ **

****

It’s the end of the year again, which meant another two months of grueling work for the both of them. For Youngho, the year-end always brought about new waves of clients returning for pictorials and the need to look though more projects to take on in the upcoming year. For Jaehyun, it meant more paperwork and clients to deal with. The only thing they both looked forward to during this period were the festivities. They’ve bid Halloween farewell by having a costume cum dinner party among their small group of friends over at Youngho and Jaehyun’s, a tradition that has formed over the years, and one of Youngho’s favourite as it reminded him of his childhood back in America. And of course, Christmas.

For all the Christmases they’ve spent together since they began their relationship — even before that, actually — they’ve spent it within Seoul; on some, Christmas tree hunting around the city (and finding out that they should never spend another Christmas Eve at Myeongdong so that they wouldn’t get squashed alive), and on others, just together at home with the Christmas tree they’ve spent a day decorating and food that Jaehyun has cooked. This year, Jaehyun’s parents have asked if they would like to celebrate the occasion together by having dinner at their house, but they rejected the invitation, promising them that they’ll come over next year. For a good reason, certainly.

“So where are y’all heading to during the holidays?” asked Doyoung during lunch break just now.

It was the only thing that’s driving Jaehyun’s motivation at work these days: their plan to spend Christmas on vacation this year. He’s filed in his vacation request long ago, earning a significant amount of eye daggers from Doyoung since December is often crunch time for their company. But considering how Jaehyun has worked tirelessly all this while, hardly taking any vacation or sick leaves, Doyoung managed to get it approved.

“Just around the country.” Jaehyun replied, excitement flooding his face just by thinking about it. 

“Ah, like a road trip? That’s nice.”

To be exact, the main destination of their vacation is the beach along the east coast where Jaehyun’s parents used to take him to when he was young. Youngho surprised him when he remembered their conversation a while back and suggested, “How about that place you said your parents used to take you to when you were younger?”

Jaehyun was elated, to say the least; he’s been wanting to visit the place again ever since he’s dreamt about it, and the fact that he could share a special memory of his past and childhood with the person he loves makes it even more exhilarating.

They’ve decided to head east to first spend a day or two at the beach before heading down to tour the other provinces for the rest of their vacation. There wasn’t much to prepare for aside from accommodations, but as the date drew closer, Jaehyun still felt the same excitement he’s felt as a middle school kid who’s about to embark on his first overnight school trip.

“Do you think it’ll snow?” Youngho asked the night before their departure, when they were lying in bed together to look through some of the recommended seafood restaurants in the area.

The province they’re headed to was famous for their cold weather and perhaps the highest snowfall probability in the country, so it was a good guess that it would probably snow when they’re there. Seoul has yet to experience much snowfall this winter and it has dampened Jaehyun’s spirits a little, so the thought of being able to see snow covered buildings and sidewalks made him more excited for this trip.

“I hope it does.” Jaehyun expressed his wish as he stretches in preparation for sleep, completely unaffected by how Youngho was kissing his neck and collarbone as part of their goodnight routine.

“I hope so too.”

 

 

It’s a foggy morning when they started the journey, with Youngho behind the wheel first. _We can switch places when we are at the rest stop,_ Jaehyun suggested when they were driving towards the expressway, sipping on the iced Americano they’ve stopped to get at a nearby Starbucks. Youngho hummed his agreement, looking much more energised after his morning dose of caffeine.

They stop at a rest stop halfway through their journey, surprised to find it snowing here. Jaehyun gets off the car the moment it comes to a stop, excited by the sight of snow around them, and Youngho laughs at his childlikeness in this moment. They huddle close to fight the cold as they queue up to get some snacks (walnut cakes, potato twirls and fish-shaped bread, just to name a few), Youngho’s front pressing against Jaehyun’s padded back. By the time they head back into the car, both of their noses are already red at the tip, and they giggle as they take turns to look in the rearview mirror.

Jaehyun takes over to drive them for the second half of the journey, and he tries hard to not get distracted by how Youngho’s looking at him. It’s a reason he hardly asks to drive when they’re heading somewhere together; Youngho seemed to find the sight of him driving unfamiliar, always staring at him with a look of adoration. He still remembers what he’s said one of the first few times Jaehyun drove them somewhere: _“Ah, my boyfriend is so cool~”._ It was a miracle they ended up home safely that day.

“I can’t drive like this, hyung.” he complains, shooting him a look via the mirror.

Youngho grins, knowing exactly the effect he has on Jaehyun, and he turns around at last to announce that he’s going to take a nap. Jaehyun nods, and tells him to use his jacket he’s thrown in the backseat as a blanket, knowing that he might get cold. 

“As expected, I only have Jaehyunie~” Youngho says in the cooing tone he likes to use on him again, and Jaehyun sighs exasperatedly in response even when the corner of his lips are creeping up.

The rest of the journey is quiet after Youngho falls asleep, Jaehyun accompanied only by the music from the stereo and Youngho’s soft snores. He hums along to the songs he know and taps along to the beat of the ones he doesn’t, and before he knows it they’ve already reached the province. Exiting the expressway, the traffic isn’t as smooth, and Youngho stirs awake when they stop at a road junction.

“We’re here?” he asks, voice a little rough from sleep.

“Just another 20 minutes, I think.” Jaehyun replies, passing him the bottle of water he’s just opened for himself.

They decide stop for lunch at a Japanese restaurant Youngho has heard of before, neither of them able to bear their hunger any longer as it’s way past lunch time. As a result of their slight detour, it’s a little past 3 in the afternoon when they finally get to the pension, and Jaehyun is suffering from a serious food coma. He relies on Youngho to unlock the door and settle them in, taking off his jacket to lie down on the bed the moment he enters the bedroom. The bed dips slightly to the side next to him, and he moans softly when he feels Youngho’s hand stroking his hair.

“Hyung,” he manages out, voice already groggy, only continuing when he hears Youngho’s hum to let him know that he’s listening, “I wanna see the sunset later…” 

“Catch some sleep first,” Youngho tells him, kissing his crown as he strokes the back of his neck, “I’ll wake you up when the sun’s going to set later.”

He nods, mind already drifting off to dreamland at Youngho’s calming strokes on his back.

 

 

Jaehyun wakes up to the sound of Youngho’s voice, a low hum of words his brain is unable to comprehend when he’s still trying to adjust to the surroundings he’s in.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

He hears Youngho whispering in his ear at last, eyes blinking softly as he tries to make out Youngho’s face. He feels him kissing his temple, and turns around to bury his face in Youngho’s chest.

“The sun is going to set soon, you sure you’re going to just stay in bed?”

Jaehyun sits up almost instinctively at the reminder, accidentally knocking his head against Youngho’s chin and drawing an anguished moan from him. They laugh as they try to rub the pain away for each other, and the small accident ends with the both of them lying back down on the bed as their lips meet in apology.

 

They make it out with time to spare before the sun disappears off the horizon, the cold sea wind surprising them despite how they’ve prepared themselves with padded jackets and scarfs. Jaehyun holds Youngho’s gloved hand in his and keeps them in the pocket of his jacket as he walks them both to a less wet part of the beach, stopping when they discover a log lodged in the sand, size just big enough for both of them to sit on. Their focus shifts to the view and sounds around them for a moment; the seagulls crying around them, the waves crashing against the shore, the sun that is setting in the distance and the bright rays of gold it’s leaving on the clouds and the water. It’s peaceful until Youngho groans suddenly, realising that he’s left his camera back in their pension.

Jaehyun snickers, eyes gleaming with mischief as he asks: “Is hyung getting too old?”

It gains him a headlock that only ends when he apologises, and he lets Youngho holds him in his arms, torso almost lying on his lap completely. _It’s a shame that it’s not snowing,_ Jaehyun sniffs, looking at the mist his breath makes in the cold air as he talks. _I’m glad, actually, I think I’ll actually die if it gets that cold,_ Youngho replies seriously, causing Jaehyun to laugh.

 

“Hey, Jae?”

Youngho calls him using English after clearing his throat, and Jaehyun quirks a brow up inquisitively, lips curling up in a small questioning smile.

“Yes, John?”

The ‘I love you’ that he was expecting is replaced by a quick kiss on his cheek before Youngho brings up his left hand to kiss it too. It all seems normal — usual acts of affection that Youngho likes to give him — until he sees something on his hand that was not there before he fell asleep.

“... Wait a minute…”

The shock on his face must have been extremely hilarious, because Youngho’s almost doubling over in laughter while still holding onto his hand. Jaehyun sits upright and stares, actually goggles, at the silver band on his ring finger, before doing the same when Youngho shows him his ungloved left hand where a similar ring rests on its ring finger.

“Let's get married, Jaehyun-ah.”

It wasn't a question, it was a statement; a decision that has already been made by the both of them without even saying it, a hypothesis put forward at the start of their relationship that was supported and only waiting to be proven true after the years that they've spent next to each other.

Youngho had no reason to question it, and neither did Jaehyun.

But it would be unlike Jaehyun if he missed this opportunity to tease Youngho.

“Hyung,” he starts, intertwining his fingers with Youngho’s to see the rings next to each other.

“Are you not going to ask for my opinion?”

Youngho’s expression makes a dark downturn the moment he hears the question, and he gawks at him.

“... Do you want to say ‘no’?”

Jaehyun bites the inside of his cheeks to maintain his straight face, and turns around to scan their surroundings. It’s quiet around them, no one quite as crazy to sit right by the waters in the cold December weather, but he relishes in this moment – this moment where it feels like the world only held the two of them as the sunset casts a warm, glorious gold on them. Jaehyun tips his head up to kiss Youngho first, cold fingers covering the side of his face and neck.

“I would like to say ‘yes’ a million times, actually.”

Youngho sighs in exasperation almost immediately, causing Jaehyun to giggle in mirth, and returns the kiss after wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him closer.

 

“You can make me love you forever, you know that?”

Jaehyun chuckles, and whispers back in Youngho’s ears:

 

“And I’ll love you forever too.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /throws confetti/ 
> 
> this work has actually been sitting in my drafts since october, and i've spent the whole start of the year finishing it up. i've actually really wanted to write an AU and something really fluffy and sweet, so i think i had fun writing this. i'm thinking of writing the same story from youngho's POV, since this was really jaehyun-focused, but i'm not sure when i can finish it because i don't have much free time left
> 
> again, a reminder that this is fiction and an AU!!! (i'm just really guilty about how i portrayed john's parents here; i'm sure they are lovely people) 
> 
> thank you for reading again!


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